Huge Breakthrough in Skagit Negotiations

My sources close to the headwaters have informed me that the Skagit River has agreed to stop flooding at the beginning of the new water year, October 1. Recent flood watches have reminded officials connected with Skagit County and local cities, the Army Corps of Engineers, Seattle City Light, and Puget Sound Energy of their lack of any agreement on flood plain management or flood control strategies. Remarkably, the River has taken pity on the humans in its valley and unilaterally agreed to stop flooding.

Farmers, residents and business owners have long had a desire for a flood agreement. People have talked about flood control options for over a century, but clearly there is no consensus on which options to implement. Dike districts are each pursuing their own projects that are likely to push more water into neighboring jurisdictions during a flood. In any event, inability to agree about the height of past and future floods makes any agreement about ways to protect against floods impossible.

Watching people constantly try and fail to find agreement on flood control options simply got to be tiresome for the River. In a statement to be released soon, the River reiterates its desire to gather and distribute rainfall, meander at will through its wild and scenic stretches, and provide habitat, power, and water to all creatures in the watershed. “Clearly, the task of agreeing on flood control measures is beyond the ability of human beings, or at least those living in my watershed. So, in order to free myself to attend to natural riverly pursuits without being tied up in constant meetings, I unilaterally agree to stop flooding.”

In a footnote, the River states that it retains the prerogative to tease people by inching ever so close to the tops of levees now and then.

2 responses to “Huge Breakthrough in Skagit Negotiations

  1. It’s like we have our own Upriver Onion.